"I have been in the attic for twelve years, mom. I need out. Twelve years is just too long. It gets hot in here during summer and cold in the winter. It must've been 120 degrees in here today. I want to move out of here and into the first floor apartment or someplace on a first floor."
"Never ever forget that I have expenses of upkeep outside the mortgage payments. The rents I collect almost cover the monthly payment. Plus I pay taxes, electrical, oil, water, gas & maintenance - inside and out -- bills for the whole building."
"I will find out about my medical suit from the lawyer in October, if I don't call the lawyer before then, but according to the last two times that I have talked to the lawyer: things should be moving ahead with the settlement. I can give you that money to put towards the mortgage."
"I don't think I will be able to change the situation you are in any time soon. If you want to move into a shelter for a few weeks while the authorities find a living space that is better, you can try that."
"Really!? The shelter? Where I can catch double pneumonia and a case of incurable tuberculosis? You would wish that for me?"
"Nothing is free or easy in this world."
"Obviously, you didn't listen to what I said. I am going to be getting some money that I can put towards it."
"It's all in your head."
"You just fucking hate me. No wonder you asked me for a date and time of when I was going to kill myself while I ate hot dogs and nachos outside of 7-11 over Xmas 2011 and you ate lamb from what I saw in pictures online."
"Oh dear!"
"Then, I was threatened with eviction as in 'I am thinking of evicting you' in an email because you wanted to adopt some tenant's baby who calls the cops on me for nothing."
"We have a budget. If I sell the house and buy a condo or small house, there are still the expenses of upkeep, taxes and all of the above. I need the rents to help me."
"You didn't listen to what I said. I am going to be getting some money that I can put towards it."
"It's all in your head!"
"Really!? That's all you can say to me: 'it's all in your head?' You don't think very much of me. Why do you say that? Because I am schizoid? You know the time I hung myself here I was on the phone to you moments before and you said that and hung up the phone on me. So, I hung myself. You've said 'it's all in your head' to me too many times. It hurts my feelings."
"If you want to repaint the apartment, it would be a good project for you. Think about it."
"Repaint the apartment? I can't repaint the apartment with my rib contusion where I was punched during the home invasion, the which you told me was 'all in my head' too. I can't do any labor."
"I need you to help out. You have a job to do. I want you to mow, clean up the basement, sweep ..."
"I can't do any of that. I have a rib contusion, which hurts when it is aggravated."
"I can't help that."
"You would have me walk on water or stand on my two legs if I was a double amputee. I can't do labor because of where I was punched in the ribs."
"It's all in your head."
"Don't say that! I told you that it hurts my feelings. I have experiences. I am getting some money to put towards the mortgage. I've been working on that suit since 2004. You can rent out the attic and second floor as one unit or else sell it as a condo and have the new owners pay the expenses while I move to the first floor as a condo."
"Nobody wants the second and third floor as a unit. There are no renters for it."
"How do you know that? Ask the property manager. I bet he can rent it out."
"I don't care."
"You don't care!? I have about twenty years left on my life judging from the way I smoke. I want to live somewhere I like living for that twenty years. As it is, I have no place to go outside here without some passer-by or tenant calling the police or some thugs beating me up."
"They do not!"
"Thirty-four stops in fifteen years of living in this town, twelve years in this apartment, and you are telling me people don't call the police on me for nothing since I have no arrest record and no points on my license?"
"Stop it! Nobody calls the police on you ..."
"You called the police on me, once. You don't remember?"
"Well, you were not well. You were acting bizarre."
"That was because of the medication that I was on at the time. It caused me to have two sodium seizures. You two shouted at me to take it. I was taking it and almost lost my life twice hospitalized with hyponaetremia."
"I don't want to go over all this old stuff."
"Well, stop saying that 'it is all in my head.' I have experiences. The doctor even came over to the house and took that medicine out of the cabinets after he received the results from a blood test I went for at the hospital back then. You let him in to take the medicine away after you two shouted at me to take it. Now, I have won a medical suit and will be getting some money."
"Check in hand is something else."
"OK. When I receive that check, I will give it to you to put towards the mortgage. The check should be proof enough that 'it is not all in my head.' Meanwhile, stop saying 'it's all in my head!' And, I want out of this crawl space and into the first floor. I can't take this apartment anymore."
"I've had enough of this conversation. Let me repeat: if you want to move into a shelter for a few weeks while the authorities find a living space that is better, you can try that."
"You make me want to kill myself. I may just give you your wish for me to go live under the bridge over I-95 where the homeless people shit."
"Just be sure to give us a date and time of when you are going to kill yourself."
"Five minutes from now."
"Five minutes from now!? Oh really!?"
"You know: I have been called 'pathetic, crazy, schizoid, motherfucker, teat sucker, asshole, not capable of empathy, chicken, zero credibility, hears voices as in 'you hear voices,' alkie who swills drinks with sperm and some epithets I can't even remember. People say within my earshot: 'don't have anything to do with him. He will make your life a living hell.' And, I have been called those things by family, so called friends and strangers alike. What you don't realize is that people, including me, are not altogether autonomous entities and words can affect me just as they would someone else, just as being punched in the ribs during that home invasion."
"You haven't been called those things. I don't remember any of that."
"I have my experiences. You were off globe trotting."
"And, those experiences are all in your head."
"I had four X-rays on my ribs over the years and all show a rib contusion. How is that in my head? I just want some semblance of peace in mind and I can't have that in this attic."
"I don't know what to tell you. There's always the shelter."
"The shelter!? Stop telling me to go to the shelter! I just as soon go under the bridge over I-95 where the homeless people shit and slit my throat than catch a double case of pneumonia at the shelter. I already contracted tuberculosis from shelters out west when you all kicked plastic chairs at me shouting over lunch back then and I left."
"We didn't do anything of the sort."
"You did too. Kicked me out is what you did. I left and lived in my truck for three years. I had a good mind to break all ties with you back then because of the things that you say to me, which reflect what you think about me. Sometimes, with the things you and others have said to me over the years, I think you would rather I was not born. You make me want to kill myself. I can't even talk to you because you just make it up as you go along with no recall of events."
"OK. I'm hanging up now."
"Wait ..."
Click.
"Never ever forget that I have expenses of upkeep outside the mortgage payments. The rents I collect almost cover the monthly payment. Plus I pay taxes, electrical, oil, water, gas & maintenance - inside and out -- bills for the whole building."
"I will find out about my medical suit from the lawyer in October, if I don't call the lawyer before then, but according to the last two times that I have talked to the lawyer: things should be moving ahead with the settlement. I can give you that money to put towards the mortgage."
"I don't think I will be able to change the situation you are in any time soon. If you want to move into a shelter for a few weeks while the authorities find a living space that is better, you can try that."
"Really!? The shelter? Where I can catch double pneumonia and a case of incurable tuberculosis? You would wish that for me?"
"Nothing is free or easy in this world."
"Obviously, you didn't listen to what I said. I am going to be getting some money that I can put towards it."
"It's all in your head."
"You just fucking hate me. No wonder you asked me for a date and time of when I was going to kill myself while I ate hot dogs and nachos outside of 7-11 over Xmas 2011 and you ate lamb from what I saw in pictures online."
"Oh dear!"
"Then, I was threatened with eviction as in 'I am thinking of evicting you' in an email because you wanted to adopt some tenant's baby who calls the cops on me for nothing."
"We have a budget. If I sell the house and buy a condo or small house, there are still the expenses of upkeep, taxes and all of the above. I need the rents to help me."
"You didn't listen to what I said. I am going to be getting some money that I can put towards it."
"It's all in your head!"
"Really!? That's all you can say to me: 'it's all in your head?' You don't think very much of me. Why do you say that? Because I am schizoid? You know the time I hung myself here I was on the phone to you moments before and you said that and hung up the phone on me. So, I hung myself. You've said 'it's all in your head' to me too many times. It hurts my feelings."
"If you want to repaint the apartment, it would be a good project for you. Think about it."
"Repaint the apartment? I can't repaint the apartment with my rib contusion where I was punched during the home invasion, the which you told me was 'all in my head' too. I can't do any labor."
"I need you to help out. You have a job to do. I want you to mow, clean up the basement, sweep ..."
"I can't do any of that. I have a rib contusion, which hurts when it is aggravated."
"I can't help that."
"You would have me walk on water or stand on my two legs if I was a double amputee. I can't do labor because of where I was punched in the ribs."
"It's all in your head."
"Don't say that! I told you that it hurts my feelings. I have experiences. I am getting some money to put towards the mortgage. I've been working on that suit since 2004. You can rent out the attic and second floor as one unit or else sell it as a condo and have the new owners pay the expenses while I move to the first floor as a condo."
"Nobody wants the second and third floor as a unit. There are no renters for it."
"How do you know that? Ask the property manager. I bet he can rent it out."
"I don't care."
"You don't care!? I have about twenty years left on my life judging from the way I smoke. I want to live somewhere I like living for that twenty years. As it is, I have no place to go outside here without some passer-by or tenant calling the police or some thugs beating me up."
"They do not!"
"Thirty-four stops in fifteen years of living in this town, twelve years in this apartment, and you are telling me people don't call the police on me for nothing since I have no arrest record and no points on my license?"
"Stop it! Nobody calls the police on you ..."
"You called the police on me, once. You don't remember?"
"Well, you were not well. You were acting bizarre."
"That was because of the medication that I was on at the time. It caused me to have two sodium seizures. You two shouted at me to take it. I was taking it and almost lost my life twice hospitalized with hyponaetremia."
"I don't want to go over all this old stuff."
"Well, stop saying that 'it is all in my head.' I have experiences. The doctor even came over to the house and took that medicine out of the cabinets after he received the results from a blood test I went for at the hospital back then. You let him in to take the medicine away after you two shouted at me to take it. Now, I have won a medical suit and will be getting some money."
"Check in hand is something else."
"OK. When I receive that check, I will give it to you to put towards the mortgage. The check should be proof enough that 'it is not all in my head.' Meanwhile, stop saying 'it's all in my head!' And, I want out of this crawl space and into the first floor. I can't take this apartment anymore."
"I've had enough of this conversation. Let me repeat: if you want to move into a shelter for a few weeks while the authorities find a living space that is better, you can try that."
"You make me want to kill myself. I may just give you your wish for me to go live under the bridge over I-95 where the homeless people shit."
"Just be sure to give us a date and time of when you are going to kill yourself."
"Five minutes from now."
"Five minutes from now!? Oh really!?"
"You know: I have been called 'pathetic, crazy, schizoid, motherfucker, teat sucker, asshole, not capable of empathy, chicken, zero credibility, hears voices as in 'you hear voices,' alkie who swills drinks with sperm and some epithets I can't even remember. People say within my earshot: 'don't have anything to do with him. He will make your life a living hell.' And, I have been called those things by family, so called friends and strangers alike. What you don't realize is that people, including me, are not altogether autonomous entities and words can affect me just as they would someone else, just as being punched in the ribs during that home invasion."
"You haven't been called those things. I don't remember any of that."
"I have my experiences. You were off globe trotting."
"And, those experiences are all in your head."
"I had four X-rays on my ribs over the years and all show a rib contusion. How is that in my head? I just want some semblance of peace in mind and I can't have that in this attic."
"I don't know what to tell you. There's always the shelter."
"The shelter!? Stop telling me to go to the shelter! I just as soon go under the bridge over I-95 where the homeless people shit and slit my throat than catch a double case of pneumonia at the shelter. I already contracted tuberculosis from shelters out west when you all kicked plastic chairs at me shouting over lunch back then and I left."
"We didn't do anything of the sort."
"You did too. Kicked me out is what you did. I left and lived in my truck for three years. I had a good mind to break all ties with you back then because of the things that you say to me, which reflect what you think about me. Sometimes, with the things you and others have said to me over the years, I think you would rather I was not born. You make me want to kill myself. I can't even talk to you because you just make it up as you go along with no recall of events."
"OK. I'm hanging up now."
"Wait ..."
Click.
No comments:
Post a Comment